Dear Dr. Mary Ann,
I have 2 toddler sons – 18 months and 2 ½ years old. They are always together. At least three times a day (some days it seems like a lot more!) my 18-month-old bites his brother. What can we do to stop this behavior?
Signed,
Ouch He Bit Me!
Dear Ouch,
Biting is one of the most common questions I have received throughout my career. In my 50+ years working in child development, I have found that parents often have the most concerns about three common toddler challenges: biting, sleeping, and eating.
The good news is that biting is usually a stage. That does not mean it is easy to navigate! When your child bites, it can be stressful and upsetting for everyone involved. Understanding why it is happening can help you respond effectively and begin to reduce the behavior.
Why Do Toddlers Bite?
Toddlers may bite for many different reasons. Start by looking at what is happening immediately before the bite. Is your child frustrated or upset? Teething or hungry? Overwhelmed, excited, or seeking attention?
Biting often happens during moments of frustration, excitement, or transitions from one activity to another. A child may bite the person who happens to be nearby when those big feelings arise.
Once you begin to recognize your child’s triggers, you can be proactive and prepare for those situations before they happen.
Supervision and Redirection
One of the most effective ways to prevent biting is through close supervision and redirection. If you know when your child is most likely to bite, stay nearby and be ready to step in.
When you see signs that a bite may be coming, quickly redirect your child’s attention to another activity or help him communicate what he needs. The goal is to intervene before the bite occurs whenever possible.
Help Make Transitions Easier
Transitions can be especially challenging for toddlers. Giving your child advance notice can help him prepare for a change instead of becoming frustrated when an activity suddenly ends.
For example, you might say:
Mikey, in two minutes we are going to put your coat on and go outside for a walk.”
Give another reminder as the transition gets closer. You can even make the transition into a game by counting together:
When we get to five, we are going outside. Ready? One, two, three, four, five!”
This not only helps make the transition more predictable, but also provides an opportunity to practice early math skills.
Give Your Child a Sense of Control
Toddlers are learning independence and want to feel that they have some control over what happens to them. Offering simple choices can help reduce frustration.
Instead of immediately putting your child’s coat on for them, try asking:
Do you want to put your right arm in first or your left arm?”
Small choices like this can help your child feel involved and give an appropriate way to exercise independence.
If your son does bite, it is very important to immediately separate the children. Respond firmly to the biter in very clear language, “No biting. Biting hurts.” Avoid yelling or shaming the child who bit. Don’t use negative labels such as calling your son a “biter,” instead point out the effects of the biting. “Look, your brother is crying. He is crying because you bit him. Biting hurts.” Ensure the majority of your attention immediately after the bite is focused on the child who received the bite.
Also ensure that the adults in his life are working together as a team. Meet with your son’s teachers, pediatrician, and other family members. Make sure you are all helping your son progress through this stage and to ensure there are no other underlying concerns.
With close supervision, thoughtful redirection, predictable transitions, and opportunities to make simple choices, you can help your child work through this stage. Remember, biting is often a temporary part of toddler development, and your calm, consistent response can help your child learn more appropriate ways to express his needs and feelings.
Sincerely,
Dr. Mary Ann Shallcross Smith
NurturEd Founder & “Dr. Day Care”
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